In the game of capitalism, some people can get really rich simply by moving money around. In days of yore, those people may have honed their skills over time, eventually opening a hedge fund to further maximize their gains. Today, those people shitpost on Reddit — and hedge funders are making a big stink about it.

For some backstory, there are people who spend half their day on Reddit and the other half of the day losing money on Robinhood. We shall call this group the “average r/WallStreetBets user.” However, there are others who actually watch the stock market and observe what positions various hedge funds are taking on companies.

I know this is boring, but stay with me. A few years back, a Redditor named DeepFuckingValue noticed that some major hedge funds had shorted GameStop — a financial term that effectively amounts to betting against them. Our hero also believed that GameStop had better financials than others had previously thought, and so, he purchased about 53k in call options for the company, documenting the process on Reddit.

This small action caused an eruption through which GameStop’s stock went from around $20 on January 11th, 2021 to almost $350 by the end of the month. It also indirectly led to other stocks, such as AMC, seeing similar support.

The rapid explosion in GameStop stock eventually dubbed the users of Reddit as, unbelievably, major players in the investing space. Hedge funders, needless to say, hate this, and they can’t stop filling their diapers in front of reporters to complain about it.

Dan Loeb — a hedge fund billionaire who, if he had more imagination, would have better things to do with his time — recently sent a weepy letter to investors that would have any reasonable person sarcastically doing the “jerking off” motion while reading it.

In the letter, Loeb decries the Redditors who have taken the fun out of his job, writing, “Fundamental analysis is increasingly taking a back seat to monitoring daily option expiries and Reddit message boards, as evidenced by the numerous short squeezes and manipulations of heavily shorted stocks such as AMC and Gamestop in 2021 and others this year.”

TL;DR: wah wah wah these internet losers are making “me” a loser!

Needless to say, Redditors reacted to this news the only way they know how: righteous indignation, but also complaining about how they don’t personally have enough money yet.

“It’s not a victory till my bank account has a number I’m unable to pronounce,” wrote one commenter.

“Billionaire tears taste the best,” offered another.

“Another billionaire POS complaining about people trying to become millionaires,” summarized a third.

Will the good people of r/SuperStonk become millionaires — no, billionaires — anytime soon? I don’t think so. But that doesn’t make those billionaire tears any less delicious.